Love and Ridiculous Hate
by Buzzing With Boredom
Summary: Clary is about to leave. Jace is heartbroken, but he refuses to let her know. If Jace told Clary how he feels, will she take it to heart or just ignore it since they are, regrettably, siblings...
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: I don't own any characters from Mortal Instruments as you can probably tell. It's just very fun to use them for my own fun. What else is fanfiction for?_

Finally, she had it. It took a hell of a lot more work than she thought it would, but it was definitely worth it. She was very nervous since it was her first time tackling something this difficult. Sure, she had done it before, but never like this.

People had been encouraging her to do it, telling her that it was _so _simple. Well, it obviously wasn't. She had been struggling for almost an hour doing everything she could, but it just did not make sense. There was having to put it in right, checking on it every so often and enduring the uneasy wait. Though, when she got it—almost giving up hope—she could've cried she was so happy.

She had done it.

Her pop-tart had officially been toasted.

She usually just ate it raw, without putting it in the frustrating toaster and waiting for the delicious, jelly filled, 200 calorie pop-tart to be finished. There just wasn't a point. It was scrumptious without toasting it. And sadly, everyone had been right. Pop-tarts _were_ amazing when they were toasted. Of course they were wonderful just out of the wrapping, but when they were warm and melting in your mouth? _Damn incredible_.

While she stuffed the pop-tart into her mouth, Clary made her way out of the kitchen and down the long halls, surprisingly passing by no one. That was until Church, her favorite cat _and_ the only cat she knew for that matter, trotted in front of her and lounged against one of the stone walls.

"Where is everyone, Church?" Clary asked her.

He gave her a bored stare, lolled his head to the side and then began to saunter away from the wall. Without much hesitation, since this did happen often, she followed the cat down the hall, finishing the last bit of her yummy pop-tart.

Church turned a tight corner and Clary had to take large steps to keep up. When she was around the corner, Church had disappeared. She looked around, failing to spot him and with a shrug, gave up her search. There wasn't really a point. Church decided when he appeared and when he left. It was one of the things that Clary loved about him.

As she turned the next corner at the end of the long hallway, she bumped into something tall and hard.

"Sorry," she mumbled under her breath, backing up a few steps before looking up.

Clary expected to see one of her friends or someone else who lived there, but when she titled her head up, there wasn't anyone there. She had walked into the door. Worse. She had _apologized_ to it. And when she looked to her left she saw that the corner was another few steps away and that she took too early of a turn. With a loud huff, she took two giant sidesteps and began to walk down the hall. The _actual_ hall.

And again, she walked into something.

"Ugh. Again?" She grumbled, not bothering to take a step back or apologize.

"This has happened before?"

Clary froze, then, very slowly, she looked up to see that she hadn't walked into another door. It was a very handsome looking guy with shaggy hair and shaded eyes that were full of teasing and pain at the same time. She had been sure that she was in love with him. That was until she had heard one small word; a word that had torn her world apart: brother. Jace and Clary were siblings.

Clary felt the blood rush to her cheeks and looked back down, trying to think of a quick remark. "No, I was just… uh—"

"Mhm, yeah, sure," Jace interrupted, smiling down at her.

She rolled her eyes and pushed past him, continuing her walk down the hall, trying to get ride of Jace. But he was right beside her, matching her pace and enjoying how annoyed she was with him.

"Where're you going?" He asked, shoving his hands into his pockets.

Clary faltered her steps, slowing down to consider his question. She sighed. "I have no idea."

"Just roaming?"

"Yeah…" she muttered. "Yeah, heading nowhere."

Jace chuckled. "That's always fun. Mind if I join your little journey?"

She gave him a side glance, saw that he was still staring at her and shrugged.

He nodded and winked at her. "Sounds exciting."

Clary turned her head so she was staring straight again. This was remarakable. The only reason why Jace talked to her still was to: A) tease her or bug her till she pulled her hair out; B) stare at her painfully, wishing that they could be together or C) argue with her which, evidently, led to kissing…

Yup, this should _definitely_ be interesting.

_So, this is just the first chapter. What do you think? It'll get more, I don't know, romantic and/or dramatic in upcoming chapters… if I can come up with some ideas. It'll probably take a while though =P. Thanks for reading._


	2. Chapter 2

_Molding these characters for my own fun is very entertaining. A thought just came to me. Is fanfiction for people whose lives who are so dull that they need to write about fictional characters? Hmm, just a haphazard suggestion to think about._

"Where is everyone?" Clary asked Jace when the silence grew too awkward.

Jace just shrugged with his hands still in his pockets. "Dunno."

She nodded and watched the ground as the two of them walked down the same hall for the fourth time. There was something that Clary had to tell him, she had wanted to tell him for the past week, but there just didn't seem to be a right time. Or, rather, she kept finding excuses to _not_ tell him. And she didn't really understand why she cared about his opinion so much. Sure, he was her… brother, but—

"Clary?" Jace's voice interrupted her thoughts.

She mentally shook her head and looked at him, slowing her walk.

When she didn't say anything, he raised an eyebrow at her. "You gonna get that?"

Clary stared at him, puzzled, but then understood when she heard her phone ring loudly in her pocket. She quickly pulled it out and flipped it open.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Clary."

Clary froze—half because he was actually calling her and the other half because Jace was _right there_.

"Oh, hi," she stuttered, giving Jace a side glance. He had moved so he was leaning against a wall and watching her lazily.

"You alright?"

She nodded, realized he couldn't see and cleared her throat. "Yeah, I'm fine. Listen, uh, can I call you back?" She didn't give him a reason, just expected him to understand.

"Are you _sure_ you're alright?" He asked, a hint of worry in his voice.

"No, really, I'm totally alright."

"Okay," he said after a moment's hesitation. "Yeah, sure. I was just wanted to see if you wanted to hangout tonight. But you seem to be too busy."

Clary sucked in a breath and whispered hastily, "No, I definitely want to… see you, I just… Look I'll call you back."

She snapped her cell shut before he could respond and put it back in her pocket. She raised her head and looked over at Jace. She had slowly been walking away from him while she was talking—so that he couldn't hear her—and now she made her way back to him.

"What was that about?" He asked with a smirk.

Clary just shrugged and began to mechanically walk down the hall. He was going to be mighty annoyed when she called back. But she wouldn't think about that now.

"I'm hungry," Jace said, catching up with her. She was glad that he was changing the topic. "Are you?"

She shook her head. "No, I just ate. I'm fine."

Jace nodded, staring at her for such a long, agonizing moment that she thought he was going to hug her. But then he turned on his heel and started towards the kitchen. "See you around."

"Bye," Clary mumbled under her breath, watching him walk away from her.

_Don't watch him_, she thought to herself. _He's your brother and you shouldn't feel guilty about_ anything.

She took a deep breath and turned around; heading for the large doors that would lead outside of the large building.

Clary slipped on her battered up black, high top converse and left Luca's, yelling a goodbye to him over her shoulder and then closing the door. She made her way down the sidewalk, traveling the short distance to the music store just a few blocks down the street. Surprisingly, there weren't a lot of people out on the warm Saturday evening, but Clary hardly noticed. She was focused on Jace.

She had to tell him.

She couldn't keep avoiding it. It was making her feel so _guilty_.

But she shouldn't.

But she did.

That was that. She was going to tell the next time she saw him. And she wouldn't make up some mental excuse to not tell him. He needed to know, even if he didn't care or, rather, that he shouldn't care.

Clary stepped across the street and opened the door of the building on the corner of the street. When she stepped into the cozy store, soft music was playing over the speakers. The walls were painted a deep red and the room was filled with shelves upon shelves of CD's, tapes and even some records. It was a nice place to come to relax and think. And occasionally listen to music.

There weren't very many people who went there anymore. Clary and a few other locals were the only ones that liked to go. Next door to the small music store was a coffee shop that had the best vanilla lattes—so it was a perfect convenience.

Clary went over to the CD shelves and watched all of them as she slowly shuffled past them. There were so many and she loved how they weren't organized by genre. There was Abba and right beside it was The Academy Is. Basshunter and then The Beetles. Chevelle and then City and Color. She knew that the store workers just did it because they were too lazy to organize it and not some other deeply-moral reason, but she loved how all the kinds of music were mixed together.

Then arms from behind her were slowly wrapping around her waist and something warm was nuzzling her neck. She was startled for a second, but soon relaxed in the embrace.

"Hi," she said, closing her eyes and taking a long, deep breath.

"Hi."

Clary turned around and hugged him back, her arms going around his waist also. He was so warm and, despite how awkward it sounded, smelt amazing. She placed her head on his chest and breathed him in. Even if she just hugged him, without saying anything, he seemed to bring comfort to her.

"So, do you want to go?" He asked her.

She lifted her head up, looking at him and nodded. Both of them took their arms away from each other so they could hold hands and intertwine their fingers. She flashed him a smile before she turned her head forward and began walking. Her smile disappeared instantly and her legs froze.

There, standing with the most stricken look on his face that brought pain to Clary, such pain that she wanted to run up to him and soothe his suffering away, was Jace.

_Thanks for reading the second part of the story. Either you're really bored and found this randomly or you're actually paying attention to the story so far. Thanks each way, I guess. =)_


	3. Chapter 3

_First off, I would like to apologize for getting Luke's name wrong. I was thinking of someone else from a different book and I messed up. I'm sorry. And thank you also for all of the comments and/or constructive criticism._

What the hell was he doing here?

Of all places, too.

Clary couldn't move. Jace couldn't find out this way. She should've told him. But she didn't. And now she had to face the consequences of her idiotic actions. Though, she couldn't be kicking herself about it right now. Now she had to talk to Jace and hopefully have an established conversation like mature adults.

Clary took a deep breath, squeezed the guys hand that she was holding comfortingly and reluctantly let go. Slowly, but progressively, Clary made her way over to Jace. He hadn't moved from his position and she didn't expect him to. His expression was twisted between one of aching hurt and rage.

When she did reach him she gave him a weak, fake grin. "Hi."

Jace looked down at her like she was crazy.

She sighed and decided to dive right into it. "I'm sorry that you had to find out like this. And yes, that is as cliché as it sounds."

"Not funny," he muttered, looking even more hurt.

"I'm sorry," she repeated.

And then they were quiet. They just stared at each other, not saying anything. She had imagined this moment of telling him for a week now, but she hadn't seen it like this. So much for her idea of a mature conversation with him.

Finally, Jace broke the silence. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't think you'd care," Clary whispered honestly.

Jace grimaced, upset and hurt.

"No, I meant I didn't think you should care," she corrected, but then felt like hitting herself. That was definitely not the right thing to say. Everything was going so downhill; she had to take her eyes away from his.

Clary was about to apologize to Jace for being so careless until he spoke.

"No. No, your right. I don't care," he said frailly.

"Jace," Clary whispered and reached for his arm, but, no surprise, he made sure she didn't touch him.

"It's fine, Clary. I just wished you would've told me so…" his voice trailed off and he looked over at a random selection of music. But he cleared his throat and put on a mocking grin. "So I could bug you about it."

She watched him intently, wishing he would look at her.

"Don't worry about it," his forced smile was gone. "I'll see you later, okay?"

"Jace," Clary tried again, but he was already turning to leave. She chewed over whether she should grab him and pull him into a hug or not. Finally, she decided on the undecided choice. She grabbed his forearm instead and he stopped.

He turned his head slightly to look at her. "Clary, let go of me."

"Not until you convince me you are alright," she said, her voice shaking.

Even though he wasn't looking at her, she could tell he was rolling his eyes. Though, she did hear him sigh loudly, indicating that he was annoyed and wanted to leave. It wouldn't be too long before he went back to being angry.

"Let go, Clary."

She didn't say anything, just stared at him, willing him to look at her.

"Is everything okay?"

Crap, Clary thought. Go away. Not now.

"Yeah, everything's peachy," Jace said in a sarcastic tone, tearing his arm away from Clary's hold to face the 'happy' couple.

Then there was a _very_ awkward silence. Just a moment ago, Clary wanted Jace to look at her, but now she was too afraid to meet his penetrating glare she knew he was giving her.

"Well," Jace of course had to break the silence. Again. "Aren't you going to introduce us, Clary?"

She frowned, suddenly feeling exhausted. "Jace, Gavin. Gavin, Jace."

"She definitely knows how to present people, huh?" Jace said to Gavin, nudging me.

"Yeah, sure," Gavin said, unsure if Jace was sarcastic or just trying to be friendly. "Uh, I'm confused. Who are you?"

Clary was about to answer, but Jace broke in, answering for her.

"I'm her brother," he countered, adding emphasis on _brother_.

Gavin's eyes went back and forth between Jace and Clary, unbelieving.

"Any_who_," Jace chimed, his voice high and shrill and obviously fake. "I'm gonna go and leave you two lovebirds alone. See you later, sis."

And Jace left before Clary could protest. Gavin draped an arm around Clary's shoulders and stared at the door that Jace just left out of.

"Funny guy," Gavin said, bobbing his head in approval.

Clary gave him a funny glance, trying to take her thoughts off of Jace. She didn't need to worry about him. He had said so himself.

Then why did she feel so terrible for _not_ thinking of him?

"So, want to get out of here?"

At first, Clary didn't hear him since all she was focusing on was how hurt Jace was and how much she regretted the past few minutes.

"Clary?"

"Hmm?"

"What's up?"

She looked up at him and blinked a few times.

"Nothing. Let's go."

Gavin smiled and kissed her forehead lovingly and the two of them left the music shop. They made their way down the street, heading no where specific. And all the time Clary was thinking about Jace. She couldn't stop hating herself for what happened. And she _wouldn't_ stop hating herself. Though, the worst part, she realized, was having to talk to him later and see how he was taking all of this. Yes, that meant talking about their… feelings. Ah, she was certainly not excited for that.

_Hmmm, are my chapters getting shorter and more pointless? It doesn't seem like my story and characters are really heading anywhere at the moment. So, for my next chapter, I'll definitely add more. _

_Anyways, thank you so much for reading. Reviews are appreciated =D_


	4. Chapter 4

_All right. So I'll be completely honest here. I don't remember if Clary lives at the institute-type place or at Luke's. My sincere apologies. It's been a very long time since I've read the books. So, in my creation, Clary lives at the institute-type place. It'll help my plot =]_

As Clary slowly walked through the familiar large doors, so many thoughts were flying through mind. The entire time she had been with Gavin, feelings for Jace kept flashing in her head. She did try her best to enjoy herself, but stupid Jace just had to be stupid there when she and Gavin just happened to stupid meet up. Everything was just so… _stupid_.

"Are you okay?"

It took Clary a moment to realize that Gavin had been speaking to her the entire time that she had been moping and thinking.

"Clary?"He had said, tugging on her arm to stop walking.

Finally, Clary stared at him, puzzled for a quick second, but then nodded, though she wasn't listening to anything he was saying.

"What's on your mind?"

She could've told him. She could have told him everything. She should have. It would've been nice to let him know how she was feeling seeing Jace's face when Gavin put his arm around her. But it would have just confused Gavin. I mean, Jace _is_ only her brother. So there shouldn't even be a problem in the first place. But there was and she couldn't talk to anyone about it.

With a weak smile, Clary slid her hand into Gavin's and had to sadly lie to his sweet face. "Nothing."

When she was away from him and inside the comforting building, Clary leaned against the huge, wooden doors and slid to the floor. She hugged her legs to her chest and rested her forehead on the tops of her knees, sighing deeply. Stupid, she kept repeating to herself over and over again, not letting any other thought into her mind.

She snapped her head up when she heard quiet, light footsteps nearing her. Her heart sped up and her breath caught in her throat. Though, that was before she saw Church sitting in front of her, staring at Clary in puzzlement like an idiot. She felt like one too.

With a wheeze of relief, she relaxed her shoulders and placed a gentle hand atop of Church's head, lightly patting him. "What is wrong with me, Church?"

She crossed her legs and stared down at the cat.

"I mean, I don't understand why this is all happening to me. Why did Jace have to be there _right_ when I'm there with Gavin? Couldn't he have come gone to the shop, I don't know, ten minutes earlier than I got there? Ugh, I'm just so stupid. Seriously, why do I—"

Clary was quickly stopped speaking when she realized that she was speaking to a cat. And that the cat was glaring at her like she had gone off her nut. Clary was certain that she had.

Sadly, she agreed with the cat. Which was even more upsetting seeing as she was _agreeing_ with a cat that hadn't even said anything.

God, this was eating her up. And it shouldn't. But it was.

With one more loud and irritated sigh she took her hand away from Church and he quickly sauntered away from the crazy girl sitting by herself talking to a cat.

And as she was about to get up and amble around randomly, something occurred to her. A thought that seemed pretty reasonable and actually made a lot of sense in her brain, that is. Then again, less than a moment ago she was pouring her feelings out to Church so it couldn't have been that brilliant, but it would help Clary. And that's what she wanted more than anything at the moment.

Almost too quickly, Clary hopped up to her feet, nearly tripping over her own shoes and began to run to her room at the other end of the large building. Then she slowed her steps, realizing how ridiculous she was acting. She wasn't even sure that she was going to follow through with this idea.

But then she saw Jace's expression flash through her mind and she sped up her pace again. Not exactly running, but definitely walking faster than usual. She just didn't want to see Jace again. Thinking about Jace, she wondered where he was. But quickly dismissed that thought and entered her room.

She was going to leave. Not permanently, definitely, but just until this entire situation cools down. At least for her. Yes, it seemed selfish and very, very absurd, but it was all that she could think of. She'd just live at Luke's for a while. Hopefully he wouldn't mind.

As quick as she could, Clary stuffed several shirts and a few pair of jeans into her bag and zipped it up. She then went into the washroom and grabbed all her… necessities.

This was going to work. Everything would be fine. No one would really notice her absence if it were just for a couple of days. And it wasn't like she was moving to Greenland, just a few minutes away. And she had her cell on her at all times. Everything would be fine. She smiled to herself.

Jace was just he brother. And she was just his sister. That's how they'd live and it would all be the way it should be.

When Clary walked out of the washroom and back into her room, she glowing with relief, a huge smile plastered on her face. Though her glow died and her smile faltered as she froze in place.

There, staring down at her bag, now unzipped, was Jace. A replay of pain that had happened earlier in the day. Jace's expression was the same and there was no doubt that she was feeling like a jerk. Stupid, she repeated to herself for the 102nd time today.

"Where ya going, Clary?" Jace asked her, his voice just a notch above a whisper.

"Uh, I was, um, just… uh…" Clary stuttered, her hands shaking.

Finally, after a long, uncomfortable silence, he looked up at her. He was trying to look angry, but the glint in his eye showed Clary that he was hurting. She didn't understand. This had all played out so well in her head. Why couldn't it be good in real life?

Because she wasn't letting it. She wasn't going to let this happen.

Clary stared at Jace directly in the eye, straightened her shoulders and walked towards him. Instinctively, Jace backed away from her so he was against the wall. She gazed at him, willing him to understand that this was best for both of them. But he just watched her with frustrated expression and the pain in his eyes.

With a huff, Clary zipped her bag back up, threw the strap over her shoulder and without one more glance at the room or Jace—who was still pressed flat against the wall—she left.

Clary was gone.

_Okay, so that progressed a bit. I was just glad to get the chapter over with. Now, from here, I hope it will get MUCH more interesting and intense between 'my' characters. Please don't give up on reading my little story. Give me ideas even to help me finish. Thank you so much._


	5. Chapter 5

_This chapter is somewhat from Jace's perspective. His side of the story, rather. There was a review on my last chapter that really caught my attention and I trust that this'll be a bit more satisfying. I'll certainly make sure that [this] is a good quality read. (I hope)_

Jace stayed plastered to the wall, staring wide eyed at the door. He really didn't know what to do. He wasn't even thinking correctly. He was simply just frozen. Did he stay there and just forget about everything that happened? Or did he catch up to Clary and demand an answer on what the hell was wrong with her? He did have a right to know. He was, incidentally, her brother.

With that thought, Jace relaxed a bit. His shoulders slumped off the wall and he stuffed his hands into his pants pocket. He didn't care where Clary went. Yeah. He didn't care before and he definitely didn't care now.

Before leaving the room, he looked around, seeing how girly and stupid Clary's girly stupid room was. He scoffed loudly and lazily kicked the bed leg, just showing from underneath the plain bedspread. But, somehow, he booted his foot too hard, his big toe throbbing.

Jace sucked in a deep breath and resisted the urge to grab his foot and hop out of the room. He just stood there for a moment, glaring down at the bed and blaming it for hurting his foot. Once the pain subsided, he sighed and finally left the room. That was pointless.

Without thinking about it, he decided to head towards the kitchen. Though he wasn't hungry, food seemed like the only thing that'd keep his thoughts occupied. And there was no reason to think about it. Because there _was_ nothing to think about.

All right, so his thoughts were on Clary, but he was questioning whether to yell at her or embarrass her in front of her _boyfriend_. Ha! Jace laughed at the word. She was too scrawny to be dating.

When Jace entered the kitchen he sauntered to the fridge, opening it and staring at the contents sitting on the shelves. There was nothing to think about. Though, if there wasn't, then why did his thoughts keep rushing back to Clary?

Well, not _Clary_, per se. Just tormenting her. In every way he could. Mischievous. Yes, The Mischievous Jace. That was him. Evil and grim, harsh and bleak.

There was no reason to explain himself to… well, himself. And yet, here he was. Giving a rationalization on why he was giving himself a villainous nickname.

With a loud, irritated huff, he shuffled his weight uncomfortably, closed the fridge door and opened the freezer. A rush of a cool breeze hit his face as he began to carelessly scan the inside of the freezer for some kind of thing to eat.

There was no reason for her to leave. I mean, I was just shocked to see her there that's all. Like when two marshmallows collide on top of hot chocolate. They didn't mean to do it. They didn't know the other one was going to be there and take up the others melting spot. Uh-uh. I think she's overreacting. But then again, she could be leaving just to meet up with Luke. They're probably going to have a girly sleepover tonight or something. Pillow fights, in-depth shoe gossip, makeovers. I was always skeptical about Luke. Something never really 'clicked' about him. A regular guy is just not that nice.

"Anything good on?"

Jace recognized the voice as Isabelle's, but was too distracted to turn around and retort to her so-called witty comment.

"Hey. Jace?"

"What about the other marshmallow? What'll happen to that one, huh?!" Jace did spin around, but he didn't mean to yell that haphazard thought. Especially to Isabelle.

Her expression was twisted with shock and absolute bewilderment.

Jace snapped his mouth shut and turned back around, slammed the freezer door shut just to open the fridge back up once again.

A very long, awkward silence filled the kitchen. Jace didn't bother trying to break it and he bet that Isabelle was to dumbstruck to say anything. He had a strong urge to exit the kitchen and wander somewhere more amusing and distracting. Plus, he could feel Isabelle's glare boring into the back of his head—making him feel more uncomfortable—willing him to turn around and explain what he had just roared at her.

Finally, Jace heard Isabelle shuffle towards him and lightly close the fridge door, as though he would react if she did it too loudly.

"Uh…" She began, staring at him with her mouth gaping open.

Jace threw her a quick glance then lazily rolled his head to the side to stare at the cupboards. "Hey, do you know if we have any chips or something?"

She hesitated for a moment, but then raised her voice. "Jace, what the hell was _that_?"

He began opening and closing the small cupboards, searching for anything that'd make enough noise to drown out Isabelle's noisy ranting. At the very end of the row, he found a half eaten bag of pretzels and decided to go with that as the bag was loud and the food was crunchy.

"Jace."

Her voice was firm and if he didn't know her, he probably would have been cowering in a corner.

"Didn't hear what you said," Jace mumbled over his chewing, staring at the bag. "Do you think these pretzels are stale?

Isabelle threw her hands up in frustration. "Will you just answer my question?"

Jace looked up at her and raised his eyebrows. "Will you answer mine? I could be eating deadly stuff here and I wouldn't know it because you're too busy worrying about your own question. That ain't very polite, Isabelle."

Seeing as there was no way Jace was going to answer her, she turned around to leave the kitchen. "I hope you choke, you ass."

He put a hand to his mouth in mock alarm. "You _so_ do not mean that. Take that back!"

Irritated, she sighed loudly and resisted the impulse to finger him, making her way down the hall to leave Jace to his suffocating death on decaying salty snacks.

He stared at the tiled floor, mechanically tossing food into his mouth after each swallow. And after a few more handfuls, he crumpled the bag up and chucked it into the trash can. Still chewing, he rubbed his palms together, wiping the salt off his hands and then leaning against the counter.

Without much of a thought, he pulled the phone out of his pocket. 8:40. He wasn't even close to tired. But there wasn't anything to do. The only thought that came to his head was running around town, spreading his devious ways to the citizens of the streets. That was a lie. It wasn't his only thought.

Jace pushed himself off the counter and quickly left the kitchen, walking hastily to his room. He had no idea why, but he didn't want to be in the kitchen anymore. Which was quite odd, especially for Jace. The kitchen was usually his sanctuary, a place he went when he was or wasn't hungry. He even went there to think. Those thoughts usually consisted of having ice-cream with fudge or caramel.

That's weird. Why did I yell that to Isabelle? Now she's going to have confirming thoughts that I was definitely dropped on my head various times throughout my childhood. And what is with Clary? I still don't really know what's going on with that sister of mine. Huh, sister. Even now it hasn't sunk in. That may be because of these stupid ideas. I _really_ shouldn't care that she left. But I do. God, now I'm having chick thoughts. Now all I need to do is grab a box a tissues, The Notebook and 3 pounds of chocolate to complete my 'transformation' into becoming an emotional crying sap…

Ew.

Jace flopped down onto his bed and stared at the so-very-interesting ceiling. But before he could scold himself, his cell rang. Slowly, he reached into his pocket and flipped it open.

"Yup."

"Hey, Jace."

Too quickly, Jace sat upright. It was Clary. His heart began to race. He had to bite his tongue as to not ask her where she was or who she was with. But it was nice to hear her sweet, soft voice. Even when she was mad, her voice wouldn't raise high enough to yell loudly. Jace smiled at the thought. Then he shook his head and smacked his forehead, leaving his hand over his hair and his eyes squeezed shut.

"Hey, Clary. Uh, what's up?" Jace mumbled.

She hesitated for a moment and he could almost imagine her twiddling her thumbs.

"Listen, I'm sorry about earlier," she said, ignoring his casual 'what's up'—which in Jace's mind meant 'where the hell are you and why'd you leave?!' "I didn't mean to…"

Jace didn't necessarily cut her off, but he didn't let her finish. "No need to make it dramatic, Clary."

He heard her sigh in annoyance. He grinned. "Can you get Isabelle?"

His smile fell. "Isabelle? Uh, I know this may sound weird, but if you wanted to talk to her, ya should have called, oh, I don't know, _her_."

"I've tried. Her cell must be off," Clary cleared her throat awkwardly. "Would you mind getting her for me?"

"Anything for you, Clary." Jace meant to say it sarcastically, but he wasn't sure if it carried across. Though, he thought at the back of his mind—at the far, _far_ back—that it was true.

"Thanks, Jace," she said considerately.

Jace rolled his eyes and was disappointed that she couldn't see. "Yeah, yeah."

He reluctantly got off his bed and sauntered into the halls, yawning. After his long yawn, he purposefully kept the phone close to his mouth and yelled for Isabelle. Once he stopped screaming and could see Isabelle approaching him furiously, he could hear Clary moaning on the other line, her eardrum probably shot. Jace smiled as he had successfully irritated both of them at the same time.

"What do you want Jace?" Isabelle asked, frowning.

"Oh, turn that frown upside down, precious." Jace stuck out his bottom lip and stared at her with innocent, puppy dog eyes.

Isabelle jumped back in disgust. Her expression quickly turned into her previous one: anger. She glared at him and crossed her arms.

On his cell, he could hear Clary hollering for Isabelle. Jace tried to make an awkward noise to block out Clary's shrieks, but Isabelle heard them.

"Give me the phone," she said, holding out her hand. She expected Jace to obey? What a joke!

She took a step closer to him and he got another glimpse of the wild look in her eyes. He placed his phone gently in the palm of her hand.

"When you're done using up all my minutes, give it back." Jace said over his shoulder and closed his door behind him, once again falling onto his bed and staring at the ceiling.

He stayed quiet and tried to distinguish Isabelle's muffled words, but could only hear her sigh in annoyance. Most likely, Jace's doing.

Jace quickly gave up on listening and began chiding himself for getting all excited about Clary calling him. He should've known that she wouldn't want to talk with him. Especially with the way that she had gazed at him before she turned around with her bag and left not only the Institute, but Jace.

He sat up again, not wanting to listen to his disturbing conscious and pressed his ear to the door, spying on Isabelle's conversation with Clary. He had a privilege to listen. It was his phone.

"Well, Clary, now don't freak out. There's nothing wrong with what you're doing."

Silence. For what seemed like ten minutes.

"He wouldn't _do_ that. It's just for a few days, too."

More silence, but not as long.

"More than a few days? Really? Well, all right. If you start getting a big edgy, just call me and I'll come pick you up from his place. Simple."

Jace's eyes widened. _His_ place? And what was she thinking he'd _do_ exactly?

Isabelle giggled quietly. "Hell no. Why should he care? It's Jace. He doesn't give a crap. About anyone."

That should have stung, but Jace just shrugged and nodded in agreement.

"It's not like you need closure. For God's sake, it's _Jace_."

Okay, Isabelle. I think Clary gets it. Then Isabelle stopped talking as though she heard Jace talking to himself.

"Okay. Okay, simmer. I won't tell him. But like I said, he won't give…"

Why'd she stop?

"All right. Just call me if you need me. Okay. Okay, I'll see you. Bye."

Then his phone snapped shut.

Quietly, Jace hastily took his ear off the door and jumped flat onto his bed, placing a pillow on top of his head. When Isabelle opened his door just a few seconds later, she threw his phone at him and began to close the door.

"Next time, keep your phone on," Jace said, trying to make a snooty comment that she didn't care about as she just slammed his door shut.

Jace took a moment to congratulate himself for not being caught, for being as stealth and cool as a ninja. But his pat on the back quickly died. He wish he had heard the entire conversation. How did Clary sound on the other end? More importantly, where was she staying? With Luke or—God forbid—with that peppy 'boyfriend' of hers? And how long would she be gone?

Blowing it out of proportion a bit there, aren't ya Clary?

But why didn't Clary want him to know? He did see her leave with a bag full of clothes. Obviously he had somewhat of a clue that she was leaving.

Without much of a thought, he flipped his phone open and quickly went through his contacts, finding Clary's number instantly. He was going to tell her how he felt. Not about her, since there was nothing, but about her leaving. He had a right to know since he was her brother.

How long before that excuse stopped working?

Something must have been possessing him because he wanted to be nice and considerate towards her feelings. A burst of emotion swept threw him as he clicked send and the other line began to ring.

Please don't have caller ID. Oh, please don't.

"Hello?" Clary's answer.

Immediately, he hung up.

Well, that was pathetic. God, a burst of _emotion_? What is wrong with me?

_So, this was not a very informative chapter. This was more of a how-Jace-felt-about-the-whole-situation subdivision, his thoughts and his wise ass comments that we all love. Quite long. My apologies. And I hope I made Jace a big enough jerk and not too 'emotional'._


	6. Chapter 6

_This should be fun._

Clary stared at the ceiling, lying on her back trying to sleep. She had been twisting the sheets around her legs and curling her fingers around the pillow restlessly for hours, but she hadn't gotten a wink of sleep. She just wasn't tired. Out of all the things she was or _should_ be feeling, she was mostly nervous.

This was her first night sleeping at Gavin's appartment. Immediately, she had expected a typical guy question, wondering if he'd ask Clary to 'join' him in his bed. But no such questions had been brought up. He had simply taken her in with a kind smile and placed a few blankets on the couch. For himself. She had objected several times, but he wouldn't listen as he thought it'd be impolite for her to sleep on the couch.

Her eyes wandered towards the closed door. Behind it, Gavin was sleeping soundlessly while she selfishly took his bed. And that just made her more nervous. So she quickly averted her eyes and went back to watching the ceiling, not daring to look at the clock beside her.

Before Clary got here, she had reluctantly called Jace, hoping that without much struggle, he would willingly hand his phone over to Isabelle. Even when Clary was talking to her, she knew that Jace was close by, listening to Isabelle's phone conversation with her. She didn't know whether to assume that he was doing it because it was just Jace's nosy personality or some other reason that she'd rather not consider. Clary was probably making it a bigger deal than it naturally was. But, in her mind, she had every right to do that.

What should I do?

It was a general question that had been floating around Clary's head since she left the Institute. She wondered if Isabelle would've told Alec where she was going or if he would even care. And Luke. She had forgotten to call him and by the time she remembered it was already past 11:30. Though, that wasn't necessarily the part that irritated her. What was more frustrating was the fact that she just didn't go to Luke's house in the first place. Why did she have to complicate everything and live with Gavin? Was there a '_secret_' reason behind her actions?

God, I hope not. I mean, I like Gavin. A lot. He's a sweet, smart and funny guy. No flaws. He even let me stay in his apartment without any hesitation and sleep in a separate room.

And yet, the entire time she thought this, she had been making a small pros and cons list in the back of her mind. Her two contestants: Gavin and Jace. She ended up having 7 pros and 1½ cons for Gavin and 2 pros and 10+ cons for Jace. It was very obvious who won that mini gala, but she still wouldn't make up her mind.

She sighed loudly and rolled over onto her side, still not looking at the red numbers glowing on the clock. In the other room Clary could hear Gavin beginning to snore softly, hardly noticeable. That was until she heard this other noise and she was sure it wasn't him. She held perfectly still under the covers, her eyes widened as she stared at her closed door. There was a muffled banging sound coming from where Gavin was. She was convinced that the racket was loud enough to wake him up, but the beating kept going and Gavin stayed asleep.

Oh, well. It'll go away soon. It's probably just my imagination anyways. All this thinking and no sleep must be catching up to me. Not good for my already full brain. Wow, that hardly made sense.

But there it was again. A continuous banging that wouldn't stop and her curiosity was getting the best of her as she threw back her covers and sat up in bed. Regularly, she would've thought this through, but something was telling her that nothing was going to happen, that everything was safe and that there was no need to be afraid.

Clary stood up and quietly walked over to the bedroom door, slowly creaking it open. At first, she was worried that she would wake up Gavin, but then remembered that he hadn't woken up from the very distinct knocking that she now realized was coming from the front door. So she swung the bedroom door fully open and headed towards the front door, hoping, by some chance, to make enough noise to wake up Gavin.

As she neared the door, she took a deep breath to try and calm her sudden burst of nerves. Clary stopped suddenly, realizing how idiotic and irrational this was. What if it was some sort of burglar? She looked left and right for some kind of blunt object, just in case and found a coiled notepad on the stand beside the door. It seemed thick enough to hurt the guy if she hit him in the head.

Clary held onto the notepad tightly and placed her hand on the door. She was so anxious that she hardly noticed that the banging had stopped. With one last deep breath she swung the front door open and got into her fighting stance; notepad in both hands, held over her head and an aggressive expression.

Except, there was no one there.

She looked back and forth quickly before she realized a slumped figure on the floor just in front of the door. She bit the inside of her cheek to hold back a scream and gradually crouched down, wondering if she could see the guys face.

His body was flat on the ground, legs and arms flailed out beside him while his face was pushed into the carpet. He had blonde hair that reached the collar of his long trench coat that curved around his slim, tall figure.

Clary wondered if he was injured or even dead, but quickly found the reason for his awkward unconsciousness. In his right hand was a half drunken bottle of beer. And just as she was about to poke him to see if he'd wake up, he made a loud groaning noise. She looked over to shoulder to find that Gavin was still sound asleep, snoring even louder than before.

Guy sleeps like a rock. Which is very odd because rocks aren't living so they can't even sleep. Wow. My brain is officially fried.

She looked back down at the insensible man who was now singing a song. A tune she recognized, but forgot the name to. And without any hesitation, Clary grabbed a handful of his golden locks and turned his face to the side. One look at his face and she was rolling her eyes and glaring at the figure.

"Think of a wonderful thought," he huffed. "Any happy little thought…"

Clary stared at him, irritated and amused. She didn't know if she should wake him up and yell at him for coming here or if she should sing along to his random, drunken and slurred Peter Pan lyrics. It didn't take her long to decide.

"Jace," she hit his shoulder. "Wake up, Jace."

"The dust is a positive must…" he continued, fully unaware of her.

She detained her laughter and poked his head several times so that it was rolling on the ground. "You aren't Peter Pan."

"It's a very simple plan," Jace licked his lips and sniffled, finishing in a very high pitched voice. "You can do what the birdies can!"

""Jace, c'mon. Seriously. Get up!"

He stopped singing and she thought that he had fallen back asleep, until he peeked open his left eye and immediately looked at her.

"Clary?" He garbled. "Why are you in… in Neverland? Just doesn't make sense."

Clary rolled her eyes and made her voice audible, willing him to hear her. "Why were you drinking, Jace?"

"Hey," Jace pointed a shaky finger at her arm. "Don't you answer me questions when I'm making them, h'okay? Are we… are we clear, Clary?"

She sighed, annoyed and nodded to his puzzling statement. She grabbed his arm and pulled him up into a sitting position. He, of course, acted immature and giggled, banging his back against the wall.

"Stop it. I am… that tickles, yeah? Do that again and I'll just have to, have to fly right outta here with the one person I can trust. Tinkerdoodle."

"You mean Tinkerbell?" Clary asked, trying to get him to cooperate and stand up.

Jace stared up at her, ignoring her tugging and pulling to get him to stand. "How did you know that? I thought that John wouldn't tell anyone. Oh, he is… he is _definitley_ going to get a, uh, a punishment for what he betrayed to the brethren."

Clary nodded as though she was listening, but she was just focused on getting him inside so he didn't wake up Gavin's neighbors. Jace was being too loud and though Gavin would be confused when he decided to wake up, she couldn't just leave her brother in the hall outside his door.

"I'll take you to Neverland someday, h'okay, Clary? Happy Birthday, h'okay? Don't tell anyone," Jace put a finger to his lips and shushed her.

"I will promise if you stand up and come inside," Clary mumbled under her breath and though she was just speaking to herself, somehow Jace's ears caught her words and he nodded.

"We gotta deal there," he held out his hand and she took it. He probably meant to shake her hand, but Clary took the opportunity and pulled him to his feet and threw him inside. He fell into one of the pushed out chairs at the kitchen table and instantly put his head on the table.

Clary quickly locked the door and slid over to Jace's side, shaking his shoulder lightly. "Jace? Jace, wake up."

This time, Jace woke up swiftly, staring at her through half closed eyes and a confused expression. He opened his mouth to say something, but instead decided to close it and put a hand to the side of his head. He looked at her then at the bottle still in his right hand then sighed loudly.

"Have I been here long?" He asked without a slur.

Clary's eyes widened and she shrugged. "I don't know. I just found you passed out in the hall."

He groaned loudly, put the bottle on the table and dropped his face in his hands.

"Wait," she began more quietly. "Do you not remember our conversation for the past five minutes?"

Jace shook his head once. "Whatever it was, I'm sorry."

Her eyes widened even more. Who would've guessed that Jace would be more kind when he was drunk?

He sat upright in his chair and stared at her. "Can I have an Advil? My head is pounding."

Clary nodded and stood up straight. "Yeah, sure. I'll be right back."

She had no idea where Gavin kept his medication, but she searched anyways. She looked through his cabinets and on the countertop but finally found the bottle in the washroom by the sink. She shook two blue pills into her palm and headed back into the kitchen to grab a glass of water. When she arrived back at Jace's side, his head was back on the table and he was continuing his singing.

"Soon you'll zoom all around the room…"

"Jace," Clary poked him and pulled out a chair for herself. "I got your Advil."

He rolled his eyes up to hers and smiled lazily. "Thank you, Wendy."

Oh, he was back to being Peter Pan again.

He lifted his head off the table and placed the pills on his tongue, washing them down with the full glass of water. Once he wad done, he put the empty cup on the table and gaped aimlessly at the wall.

"Are you feeling a bit better?" Clary asked him after a few minutes.

Jace didn't answer. Instead he turned his head to Clary and locked his gaze with hers. She could feel her cheeks turn red as his eyes didn't leave hers and she was thankful that the room was too dark for it to be too noticeable. And the entire time he just watched her. She was very aware that his leg was pressed against hers, but he didn't seem to be aware of it. Finally, it became too uncomfortable.

Clary opened her mouth to say something and just as she sucked in a breath, Jace moved. It took a second to realize that his lips were pressed against hers and that in the little time he had moved, he was wrapping his arms around her waist, pulling her closer to him. Jace's lips parted with hers and he deepened their kiss. Clary didn't know what she was doing. Although, she knew what she _should_ do. She pushed him off of her.

"You're drunk," she said, reminding herself more than telling Jace.

He shook his head. "Doesn't matter. If you can fly, nothing matters."

Clary rolled her eyes once again and stood up. "I'm calling you a taxi."

But Jace didn't let her leave. He grabbed a hold of her hand and spun her around. Somehow he had stood up and she fell right into his arms. He took this as a plus and pushed his lips to hers yet again, but with more force this time. This kiss had more hunger and need to it, as though he wasn't drunk and thinking illogically, but actually wanting her, _needing_ her.

So she let herself enjoy it. For just a quick moment, to ignore their recent 'relationship'.

She hung her arms around his neck and added as much energy as he was, their bodies flat against each others. Jace ran his hands down her spine, giving her shivers all the way to her toes and rested on rubbing his hands on her hips. She knew she should stop before it went even further than this, but she didn't as she tangled one of her hands in his hair, his soft, wavy hair.

Who was she kidding? She was enjoying every minute of this, every touch and every kiss.

Jace picked her up and she squealed in excitement, wrapping her legs around his waist as he began walking. Clary had an idea where and yet she still continued kissing him. Then she was dropped on her back with Jace on top of her, kissing along her jaw, down her neck and back to her lips. She placed her hands on either side of his face, tracing her fingers along his cheekbones. Jace slid one of his hands along her side and began to slither his fingers under her thin tank top, tapping her waist idly.

"All right, you need to go." Clary said a little breathless, reluctantly pulling away from his hold on her. Though she didn't hear any complaining or feel anything pulling her back down as she sat up on the bed, Jace rolling to the side. She glanced down at him and saw that he was asleep, mouth gaping open just as she had found him outside. At first she was a little disappointed, but knew that she shouldn't be.

And he was still singing. "Think of Christmas, think of snow. Think of sleigh bells… Here we go!"

Clary sighed loudly and once again got up from bed. There was no way she would be able to sleep now; she was more awake than before. So she decided to take a bath, maybe that would calm some of her nerves, give her a relaxing time to think. She needed it especially with what just happened. Did she need an excuse, a lie to give to Gavin or should she just tell him what happened?

Then he'd think that there was some time of sibling incest. _Okay then, a lying it is_.

That would last until Gavin woke upon and found that Clary had magically turned into a drunken, passed out Jace drooling on his bed.

_And I was right. Some of it is quite poorly written—bad grammar and vocabulary—though that is because I wanted to finish it and just get it out there to prove that I am still alive and progressing. Slowly._


	7. Chapter 7

_Please excuse my writers block for the past while. Well, technically that is not true. I knew how to begin this chapter, but not end it to make it possible for another tidbit of my story. But it feels good to continue. Hopefully this is quite gratifying. Comments from my readers would be most welcomed on this particular chapter._

Clary knew that when Jace woke up, there would be three possible reactions. The first would be confusion and unfamiliarity. He most likely wouldn't remember much from last night and waking up in a place he did not recognize would be quite shocking. The second would probably be some type of stupidity, angry at himself for bothering his sister when she was quite obviously trying to get away. That was very unlikely, but Clary liked to think that Jace would feel a bit annoyed with himself for knocking on Gavin's door so late. Again, Clary enjoyed inventing such a situation. The third was most probable. He would be feeling a congratulatory pride, thinking that he got lucky and drinking was his new found chick magnet.

She huffed as she leaned back into the wooden chair at the kitchen table and watched as her Frosted Flakes turned soggy in the bowl of milk. She had not been able to fall asleep after Jace had passed out on the bed, which was part of the reason she was not sleeping. The other part was her thoughts were too jumbled and confused for her to go back to sleep.

He only kissed me because he was drunk and since he was… it automatically makes him stupid. Just plain stupid. Yeah, that's plausible. But still, he shouldn't have done that. And I didn't even like it on top of it. Actually, to be accurate, I was on the bottom.

Oh, my God. That _really_ isn't relevant at the moment.

Gavin had woken up to the smell of coffee when Clary was brewing a pot at 6:30. So, she had yelled and purposefully made obnoxious noise with objects around her to wake him up. That did not work, but when she makes a cup of coffee, he's up sniffing and asking for a cup. What a guy.

Gavin had obviously asked why she wasn't sleeping and up so early. She told him what was going on last night, but was careful with her information. He didn't need to know that she was making out with her older brother on his bed while he was drunk. No, that he didn't need on his mind. It even bothered Clary. So Gavin left for work, knowing that Clary could handle getting Jace home safely.

Clary glanced at the hanging clock. It was quarter to 12 and she hadn't heard a sound from the bedroom across the apartment. She was facing the closed door, glaring and frustrated. He needed to get up so that she could yell at him, point her finger in his face and kick him out… with a taxi waiting outside for him, of course.

She took in a deep breath and rose from the chair, ready to go in there and wake him up.

Instead, she picked up her squelchy cereal and threw it out, thoroughly cleaning the bowl and spoon. After scrubbing her dishes for ten minutes, she dried them with a towel and placed them neatly back in the cupboard. She leaned against the counter, crossed her arms and stared at the door. She felt as though it were mocking and taunting her, with a huge sign saying 'you can't do it!' She didn't know why it was bothering her so much. She didn't understand why she couldn't just march in there and scream at him for being so stupid. She couldn't because she was afraid.

Clary turned around and firmly put her hands on the counter, squeezing her eyes shut. She was scared that he'd remember last night, their kiss, and be utterly disgusted. That he'd be ashamed of what they did and not want to talk to her anymore. It frightened her more than she was comfortable with.

"Morning, sunshine," she heard from behind her.

Clary quickly spun on her heals and saw Jace leaning in the open bedroom doorway. His hair was disheveled from sleep and his clothes crumpled and baggy. Her heart quickened as she just stared at him, all her rehearsed yelling and fighting disappearing.

" 'Would you like some coffee and a delicious breakfast that I'll personally make for you, Jace?' " He impersonated Clary's voice and smiled lazily. "Why of course I would, Clary. Thank you for offering." He pushed himself upwards and slowly made his way over to the tiny table, pulled out a chair and sunk into it. He never took his eyes off Clary's.

"Why do you look so freaked?" Jace asked, puckering an eyebrow. "If you're that nervous about breaking the egg yoke, then just make toast."

Clary completely forgot that she was staring and gained back her composure. She cleared her throat awkwardly and swallowed, blinking her eyes rapidly. She didn't say a word as she grabbed three pieces of bread and stuffed them into the toaster. Then she went over to make a fresh pot of coffee with Jace watching her the whole time. She grabbed a plate and a knife and set it beside the toaster.

"Peanut butter, make sure it's chunky. If not, do not bother. Hmm, a light layer of strawberry jam and that will be all. Oh, be sure to not have any strawberries on the toast." Jace said with a stuck-up, English accent, trying to be funny. "That does not suit my fancy, slave."

Once the toast popped up, patches of the toast nearly black, she dropped them onto the plate and went into the fridge to snatch the peanut butter and jam. She spread the plain peanut butter on the toast unevenly and smeared the jam on, strawberries and all. She placed the plate in front of him and he stared at it in what seemed like confusion.

She grabbed a mug and went back over to the pot of coffee and began pouring.

"Keep it black. See if you can do _that_ right," he said, almost annoyed.

With her back to him, Clary snickered quietly and brought the coffee to him. She pulled the chair out across from him and sat, watching him take a bite out of the crunchy toast. He devoured it. But when he looked up and saw her staring, he slowed his chewing and swallowed loudly.

"You're sort of creeping me out. You haven't said a word and you're watching me like I'm some beautiful god. Not that I disagree with that last part, of course."

Clary rolled her eyes and felt very annoyed and angry again, remembering what she wanted to say to him.

"Seriously, Clary. Stop. It's really weird."

A silent moment passed by as they stared at each other, Jace forgetting his food, but not his coffee.

"What the hell were you doing last night?" Clary finally murmured.

"What?" She knew he heard her.

"I said," she crossed her legs and glared at him fiercely, separating each word as though she were speaking to a child. "What the hell were you doing last night?"

Jace put his coffee down, wiped his mouth and sat back. "I thought you knew. I was sleeping. That's usually what people do—"

"Stop with the smart ass comments, Jace." Clary kept her voice calm, but mean. "I'm not in the mood at all. I'm tired and pissed. You were unconscious outside of Gavin's apartment with a beer bottle in your hand. Also, how did you know where Gavin lived anyways?"

Now Jace had nothing to say. He kept quiet while she ranted angrily, watching her.

"I can't believe how stupid you are!" She lost all composure and stood up. "Why would you get drunk and come find me? You are so irresponsible! Do you even remember half the things you did last night? What kind of idiot would get drunk and ramble about Peter Pan?"

Clary half expected Jace to lift an eyebrow at that part, but he calmly stared at her.

"What if you got hurt? What if you did something even more reckless than you usually do? Did you even have someone to tag along with you? I thought that'd you have some sense and responsibility."

He continued to gaze at her, showing no emotions or any expression. Suddenly, she felt very stupid standing up, the heat of fury leaving her face and exhaustion from irritation slowly dying, she sat back down and looked at her lap.

And not another word was said for a long while. Jace had his eyes on her and, knowing this, Clary kept her focus locked on her knees. She felt incredibly stupid and just wanted him to leave. She hated how much she cared and how much it all bothered her. She wanted it to end, for him to leave her alone.

"I don't know what to really say to make you feel much better," Jace spoke sincerely, making Clary look up and into his sad eyes. "And, trust me, I know how stupid I am. Drunk and stupid and an idiot."

She knew he wasn't finished so she let him carry on. She wouldn't dare interrupt this surprise burst of emotions and caring.

"Really, Clary, I am sorry that I made you so upset. You really didn't… _don't_ deserve it."

Clary was speechless.

She clenched her jaw to keep her mouth from dropping and bit her lip from laughing out loud at how heartfelt Jace was being. She hardly ever saw him talk to her this way. It was always irritating comments or smart ass remarks. She didn't know how to react besides stare at him in amazement. Maybe he wasn't that much of jerk after all.

Jace's lip started to tremble until finally he bent over and began to laugh hysterically. He gasped for air as he fell to the ground and rolled onto his back, chortling, cackling and snickering.

Nope, he's still the same old, annoying jerk he's always been.

"You should've seen your face," he gasped from the ground as Clary rolled her eyes. "It was as though… you actually thought… I was being _serious_!" And he couldn't help the next fit of laughter that brought tears rolling down his cheeks.

Clary took a deep breath in, stood up and kicked him in the shin. "You jerk!"

But this just made him laugh more. And now she didn't know what else to do, but to kick him and hit him with eager frustration.

Of course he wasn't being serious. She hated herself for actually thinking it. But the way he was staring at her and speaking so sorrowfully, made her believe him. She wanted to think that he had compassion and emotions in that rock heart of his. And now, he was laughing at her while she pathetically hit him.

Once his laughing calmed, Clary sat against the wall while Jace lie on the floor, wiping at the tears on his face.

"Whew, thanks for that, Clary. Really needed a good laugh. Hadn't had one in a while."

"I'm super happy I could make you giggle like a little girl," Clary retorted.

Jace sat up and glared at her playfully, a grin hinting at his lips. "I _so_ did not giggle. That was _totally_ a guy laugh. A manly, muscular chuckle."

Clary shrugged a shoulder. "Could've sworn I heard snorting."

He stood up in one smooth motion and covered his mouth in fake surprise. "You did not hear snorting. There was no snorting whatsoever. You take that back, little missy."

She laughed and stood up too, pointing at her mouth. "You hear that? That was a giggle. And that's what you did. Except it was more high pitched and sissy."

"I don't like that attitude," Jace said, moving closer to her. "That is not acceptable."

"You're right," Clary raised a brow and slid even closer to his face. "Not any way to respect my elders."

Jace smiled brightly.

And kissed her.

Clary stood there for a moment, not knowing what to do as this was more of a surprise than the fake kindness. After another second he pulled away and looked down at her, she up at him.

"I remember what we did, Clary," he whispered seductively, sliding his hand along her jaw bone.

She stared at him in wonder. So it wasn't _all_ just drunken stupidity.

"Oh," she inquired. "You mean this?"

Clary quickly wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. Jace didn't hesitate for a moment as he responded back with a fiercer kiss, hugging her body as close to his as he could. She twirled her fingers in his long, soft hair, rubbed her hand down his back and stroked her palm along his arms. It was all passion and longing and it was all Clary cared for.

Jace pushed her up against the wall and dug his fingers into her hips, kissing his way down her neck. Clary should've stopped it, should've had a little bit of sense left to know that this was definitely wrong. But she forgot it all. This was what was happening, right now and she was always told to focus on the now. For once, that advice came in handy.

"Hey, Clary, I was just wondering if you wanted some lunch…"

Everything froze.

Clary's eyes widened and her hands loosened in Jace's hair. Jace discontinued to nibble on Clary's neck and slowly looked at her face in absolute astonishment and sympathy. His back was facing the door while Clary stared in complete horror as her boyfriend walked in and gaped at her in shock.

Gavin saw Jace keep Clary pinned to the wall, their bodies tangled together and kissing in his apartment. But seeing all that wasn't what bothered him.

"Oh, my God. What the hell are you doing with your brother?!"

_I can't be precise, but I do believe that this is a shorter chapter? Ah, what's the difference? Though I had many describing paragraphs and less dialogue, I had fun with 'my' characters in this chapter. I do hope that you enjoy it too. Oh, we'll just have to see how this story will end._


	8. Chapter 8

_I just didn't know what to write next after that previous chapter, so my apologies for taking so long. Though I am not quite sure about this particular shindig because of the state my characters are in. It is so different..._

Clary didn't know if her heart was gradually breaking and slowly beating or speeding up and tightening from being so petrified. She felt so vulnerable, so exposed and so… helpless

Gavin was outraged, his lips pressing together in a tight line and his breath so labored that she could hear it from across the room, the awkward silence filling the room. Jace was still pressed against her, still pinning her to the wall, his back to Gavin and his eyes on Clary.

And though Gavin was quite obviously pissed off, the look in his eyes was not that that hurt Clary. It was the look of disgust. Not just directed at the scene in front of him, but at Clary herself. And that hurt more than she could believe was possible. There was no way he'd ever forgive her.

"Get out."

Clary's mouth, already gaping open, somehow opened more, her eyes widening. She wasn't even sure if that was what he said, though it seemed appropriate at the moment.

"Wh…" She tried, but was breathless. Jace suddenly, but very slowly, began to release her, except his eyes would not move from her face. As thankful as she was that he was moving, she wanted to be protected. She had felt safe when he was closer to her, even the slightest brush of skin.

Oh, my god. What the _hell_ am I thinking?!

"Gavin," she mumbled, unable to keep her eyes from his. "Gavin."

He raised his shoulders abruptly, turning his palms upward and his expression turning more irritated. "What Clary?"

"I…" she began, but knew finishing it off with _so sorry I hurt you_ would just not cut it. She didn't know what to say, she didn't know how to fix it.

"What the hell, Clary?" Gavin was livid. "In some moral sense I would understand if you cheated on me with a random guy. Hell, I would've _understood _if it was with my best friend. But, oh, my god. Clary, he's your goddamn brother!"

Before she could stop herself, she took a step forward, reaching out to him and trying to comfort him. It was just her and him in the room. There was no one else. And she saw his broken heart and knew that she had to do something to mend it.

Just as she moved, he looked at her outstretched hand in horror and backed up. Clary froze and seeing his furious glare boring into her in disbelief, she looked to the floor.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. She knew it was a mistake before she even said it, but she had to. Just to let him know that she actually was, even if he didn't believe her.

Yet, he didn't say anything. There was so much tension in the room, so much angry and hurt tension that she was about to say it again before she saw, out of the corner of her eye, Gavin balled his fists.

"Get out," he mumbled.

Clary finally looked up. Gavin was now staring straight at Jace, his body shaking with anger. And when none of them moved, he looked to Clary again with so much pain, with so much betrayal that she shuffled her foot back a few inches.

"Get out!" He yelled so loudly it echoed off the close walls.

Clary flinched and did quickly to obey him. Thankfully Jace followed her and did nothing to grab at her or, worse, grab at Gavin. She was at the door, avoiding Gavin's gaze and twisting the door knob when all of a sudden she heard a thud. Clary looked over to see Jace on the ground, his hand going to the left side of his face.

"You sick bastard," Gavin growled, getting ready to hit Jace again. But before he could, Jace jumped to his feet and moved out of his line of fire.

Clary could see that he was about to retort back with something equally sarcastic, but he caught her desperate and silent plead and he huffed out a sigh instead. He raked a hand through his disheveled hair and tossed a weary glance at Gavin. Very discreetly, Jace opened the door and walked out without another glance at her or Gavin.

Trying one last time to show how sorry she was that she hurt him, she turned to him and gazed at him tenderly.

Most of his anger was replaced with sorrow, pain and disloyalty now as he looked her straight in the eyes. His body wilted over in exhaustion as he made his way over to his kitchen table and pulled out a chair. He slumped in it and brought a hand to his face, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Whatever you have to say," He murmured, "I don't want to hear it. Just go and leave me alone."

"Please," she whimpered, her vision turning blurry.

Gavin dropped his hand and looked at the kitchen, avoiding her eyes, not wanting to fully see her. "Clary. Just… just please leave."

Tears began to race down her cheeks as she slowly backed up and moved through the open doorway. Her last sight of Gavin was of him looking down at the floor, his elbows on his knees and his hands clasped together so tightly that they were shaking from anger and hurt.

* * *

Clary kept looking at her phone. She felt as though she should give Gavin a call, even though she was just outside of his apartment on the sidewalk. She hated leaving him like that. She wanted to see him, to make it all better. But she knew that the best she could do was to understand what he was going through and do what he said and just leave him alone for a while.

She took a long, deep breath as she stared at the building one last time and finally tore herself away, making her legs move and looking forward. Literally and mentally.

But she stopped short because across the street stood Jace, his gaze dark and with sympathy and comfort. Swallowing hard, Clary made her way to him as he opened his arms to embrace her tiny body with his. When his arms wrapped completely around her, pulling her so tightly to him she could hardly move or breath, she began to cry all over again.

And he just held her, kissing he head, stroking her hair, rubbing her back or her cheeks where the tears had trailed down. Finally, it subsided and her cries turned into hiccups as she tried to catch her breath.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

He tunneled his hands through her hair and loosened his hold, just a little. "No need to."

Clary sighed, breathing him in and so enjoying how heartening he was.

"I should be apologizing," he mumbled.

She furrowed her eyebrows and pulled away to look up at him, confused.

Jace kept his hands around her waist. "I should've _never_ done what I did. I should've stopped or—"

"No," Clary interrupted sternly. "If anyone should've done something, it should've been me. Hell, I was the one that was living there purposefully to get away from everyone."

He grabbed a bit of her shirt and began to rub it between his fingers, contemplating what she had just said. "Away from me?"

Clary's mouth opened in protest, but no lies came out to take away his look of hurt.

Bit by bit, his fingers slipped away from her until his hands were by his side, his eyes not leaving hers as he tried to hide the pain her words brought him. Neither of them saying anything as they stood there, words unsaid, truths unconfirmed, lies untold.

Suddenly, Clary's phone rang in her hands. She flinched from the buzz in her palm and closed her eyes, calming her speeding heart. When she opened them again, she kept her eyes on Jace's. The phone continued to ring for a few more seconds—those seconds filled with intensity—before she flipped it open and put it to her ear.

"Hello?" Clary murmured.

"Hey, Clary. How's the boyfriends apartment? Anything interesting happen that I should know about?" Isabelle sounded serious, but Clary knew that she was just teasing.

"Uh," Clary hesitated, cringing a little at the word _boyfriend_. "It's complicated."

Which was the wrong thing to say. On the other line, she could hear Isabelle's sharp intake of breath, her harmless joke turning into sheer curiosity.

With her eyes still glued to Jace's, she continued her conversation somberly. "What's up?"

Isabelle sighed loudly, expressing her irritation. "You will tell me later. No choice. But there is something. I need you to come back for a while. Luke says he found something, but he won't tell me what."

Clary felt no surprise or interest. Nothing but empty.

"Clary? You still there?" Isabelle asked after too long of silence.

"We'll be right over."

"We? Who's we? Is Jace there? Clary?" Isabelle continued to ask as she pulled the cell away from her ear and snapped it shut.

"What is it?" Jace inquired once she stuffed the phone into her pocket.

She sighed and began to slowly walk down the street in the direction of the Institution. Jace matched her pace and kept a good distance between them at that. This hurt Clary, but she had brought so much pain today that she knew she deserved it.

"Isabelle says that Luke found something," she replied.

Jace slid his hands into his pockets and stared forward, finally taking his intent eyes off her. "What did he find?"

Clary shrugged. "I don't know. She didn't say. Or, rather, Luke didn't tell her."

"So we're off to the Institution, I presume?"

She nodded and sighed once again. "Yes. Hopefully it's something… good."

From the corner of her eye she saw a very faint grin pull at the corners of his mouth. She didn't really understand how it was that funny. Though, in some way it was oddly humorous that all in one day she had fought and made out with her brother, broken up with her boyfriend and moved out—with all luggage left at her ex's apartment. But it wasn't funny enough to make her smile or laugh.

In a very unusual way that was so foreign to her, she could feel her heart harden, turn cold and bitter. She felt different, changed and she didn't know if it was forever. With all her thoughts and feeling comingled and intertwined, one stood out among them all.

How can I be with Jace after all of that?

_Eyes seem to show true sentiment as I have peculiarly proven in this meticulous chapter. Speaking of sentiment, it appears that my characters are growing soft on me. Hmm, that needs to drastically and interestingly change. Quickly._


	9. Chapter 9

_More or less a shot in the dark here. We'll see how it goes. Also, my apologies for uploading then deleting then re-uploading this chapter. I made some mistakes that just came to my attention. _

Clary followed Jace into the Institute, staring at the floor instead of him. She had purposefully not looked up to keep her mind off of him, of what happened in the apartment before Gavin walked in and of how he comforted her afterwards. Clary shook her head. She was _trying_ to not think of it.

"There you are!" Isabelle's voice jerked Clary's head up and stopped her. She stalked towards them and placed her hands on her hips once she stood in front of Jace. Her gaze went back and forth from Jace to Clary before finally resting on Clary with a sly grin. "What took you so long?"

"Oh, you know," Jace put his hands in his pockets and began walking again. "The thrill of you not knowing anything was so shocking that it was difficult to move quickly."

"Ha ha," Isabelle huffed sarcastically, rolling her eyes. "Blow it out your ass."

"That'd be painful," Jace replied after a moment, still walking.

Isabelle sighed, annoyed with Jace and then focused her eyes and attention back on Clary. A mischievous grin curved her lips as she raised her chin and stared down her nose at her. "So, what _did_ happen?"

"Nothing," Clary said too quickly, making Isabelle stare down at her incredulously and cross her arms in front of her chest. Clary cleared her throat and began walking in the direction Jace had gone. "You said that, uh, that Luke had something?"

"Oh no," Isabelle slid in front of Clary and put a hand out to stop her in her tracks. "No you don't, missy. You know that if you don't tell me, I'll just make hell a reality for you."

Clary locked eyes with her, not doubting Isabelle's words for a second. So Clary regrettably told her, knowing that Jace would be pissed if he knew she told. But Clary needed someone to talk to because she knew that Jace wouldn't say a word about it.

As she blabbered on, Clary made sure not to go into great detail, but enough to make Isabelle's mouth drop in astonishment. She didn't ask questions, just listened intently and, somehow, that made Clary feel even more uneasy about the whole situation. And when Clary did stop talking, Isabelle just stared at her, fingers impulsively grazing her bottom lip and eyes gawking into hers, deep in thought.

After a while Clary thought that Isabelle hadn't been listening and was just opening her mouth to say something, when Isabelle sucked in a breath and turned her head slightly to the side.

"Woah."

Clary nodded and began to slowly walk down the hall again, Isabelle hesitantly falling into step beside her. Clary glanced sideways at her and saw that her face was still wiped with shock.

"All right," Isabelle mumbled, her voice croaked from her prolonged silence. "Not what I was expecting."

Clary didn't know what to say so she just shrugged and looked down at her tattered shoes.

Isabelle turned to gape at her friend in sympathy. "And that just happened a few minutes ago?"

To be precise, Clary pulled her phone out of her pocket and checked the time. "Basically an hour ago."

"Oh, my God, you poor thing, Clary," Isabelle muttered, her hand dropping away from her mouth and taking a moment to comprehend this information. "Well, let me just ask the million dollar question then: What are you going to do?"

Clary had been asking herself that question since Gavin had first walked into the room and she still didn't know. She knew she had hurt him badly and had to do something. What that was, she had no clue. But when Jace had kissed her, it had felt right and she didn't want it to stop. Hell, she even wanted more. However, what would that do to Gavin?

"I don't know," Clary whispered.

Isabelle stayed silent beside her as they approached the dinning hall where Luke sat at the table with Jace talking. When the two of them walked in, Luke stopped speaking and turned his attention to Clary, a smile appearing on his face at her arrival. Jace glanced at Isabelle then to Clary, watching her impassively.

"Hey, Clary," Luke said and tapped the space in front of him indicating for her to sit down.

Clary grinned weakly and pulled the chair out, Isabelle sitting on her left, half blocking Jace from her sight. Clary peeked at Isabelle quickly and caught a wink from her. So she did it on purpose. Thank you, Isabelle.

"So what's up?" Clary asked with her full attention on Luke.

Luke moved in his seat and coughed into his closed fist. He let out a deep breath and focused his eyes on Clary's, the smile never leaving his face. "Well, I'd like to think of it as good news."

Clary nodded, folding her hands in her lap and waited for Luke to carry on.

He chuckled and leaned forward, happier than she had seen him in a really long time. "I think I might have a lead on someone who could help your mother, Clary."

"What?" Clary asked bewildered, her eyes widening. But Luke didn't say anything, just continued to smile and gaze at her. She looked down at the table as her jaw dropped. He had put it lightly, but Clary knew Luke. What he was really saying was that he had found someone who had the power to wake up her mother.

"How… Are you sure?" Clary whispered looking back up at him.

Luke nodded his eyes bright with enthusiasm. "Yes. Very sure."

"Oh my God," Clary smiled and placed her hands lightly on top of his folded ones. "This is amazing! I can't believe it."

"Better believe it, darlin'," Luke grabbed her hands and squeezed them.

Clary's smile softened into a lip grin as she raised an eyebrow in question. "There's a catch, though. You're going to have to travel across half the world and almost get killed to try and find this person who doesn't even know you, right?"

Luke patted her hands reassuringly and shrugged. "Not across the world, no. And it's a she."

"Then where?" Clary asked directly, taking her hands away from his and crossing her arms. "And who?"

"Her name's Sarafina De Lombel. I don't know how easy it will be to find her. Sarafina's powers are beyond anything I've seen before."

"All right. Where?" Clary repeated.

"It's for your mother, so just remember that. And she won't kill me for trying to find her because she already knows that I'm thinking of coming to get her. So, it'll be difficult to find her because there's a good possibility that she'll run away or try to hide and—"

"Where, Luke?" Clary interrupted her voice firm and her gaze unwavering.

Luke stared into her eyes and sighed. "Italy. Just on the outskirts of Sicily."

Clary's arms and jaw dropped as she gaped at him dazed. "You can't be serious, Luke."

"I am," he said definitely.

"Well," Clary fumbled for words and finally rushed her response. "You're stupid if you think that I'm going to let you go to Italy by yourself and risk your life for someone who you may or may_ not_ meet."

Luke began to full out laugh half way through Clary's incoherent rambling, his body shaking with the chortling. His head fell onto the table, he threw his arms over his head and he even kicked her shin accidentally under the table. She felt like an idiot enough without him laughing at her, but he just carried on chuckling and wheezing. And long after he should've stopped, he kept going.

"Okay, Luke. I think I got it."

"I'm sorry," Luke said, wiping away an escaped tear. "Ah, that was a good laugh. Thanks, Clary. I did need that."

Clary huffed out angrily and glared at him. It was stupid what she had said, but in a way she meant it. She didn't want him going to Italy by himself while she waited helplessly here for his return. But she knew that there was no way of talking him out of it.

"Then I'll come with you," Clary said without thinking much about it. She didn't realize how serious she was until she actually said it.

"What?" She heard Isabelle say beside her. Clary had completely forgotten that she and Luke weren't the only ones in the room. She quickly glanced to her side and saw Isabelle staring at her skeptically and Jace watching her in absolute alarm.

"That one wasn't as funny," Luke said matter-of-factly. "And, besides, my stomach still hurts from laughing from the joke before."

"Luke, if you're going to Italy to find the lady to help _my_ mother, I'm coming with you." Clary said her tone grave and angry.

Luke opened his mouth most likely to protest against her statement, but she interjected before he could say anything.

"I'm going, Luke and you had to have an idea that I would insist on going when you told me."

Silence filled the room as Clary tried to stare Luke down. Contemplation showed on his face as he fought over what to say next. He knew she was right and he would definitely cover more ground if she came with him. And, besides, she would go despite what he said. He had told her the lady's name and what city she lived in. There was bound to be people in Italy who would know this Sarafina and would tell Clary where to find her.

Finally, Luke sat back, sighing loudly and staring pensively at Clary across the table. "Clary, it'll be dangerous and to have you come along with me would be a burden. I would have to watch you all the time and if anything happened to you, your mother…"

Clary shrugged a shoulder carelessly. "Well, she won't know because you'll be here arguing about taking me. And how do you expect her to wake up if we're here?"

A large smile began to form on Luke's solemn face, a soft chuckle escaping his lips. "All right, kid. But—"

"What!?" Jace exclaimed standing up so fast his chair fell back.

Clary, Isabelle and Luke all turned their heads to look at Jace.

"You can't be serious, Luke," Jace was speaking to Luke but was staring at Clary, basically repeating her words from before.

"She would be a great help and even if I had said no, I have no doubt that she'd find some way to get there." Luke replied.

"Can I talk to you, Clary?" Jace said ignoring Luke's comment and stalking out of the room.

Quickly, she cast a glance at Luke and he grinned reassuringly at her. As she stood, Isabelle touched her arm lightly and Clary stared down at her. She nodded then left the room to join Jace in the hallway.

"What the hell, Clary?" Jace whispered fiercely before she even had time to stop in front of him.

"Nothing'll happen, okay? Luke said he'd watch me. And besides, I'm old enough to watch out for myself." Clary glared at him curiously. "And why do you care?"

Jace narrowed his gaze and took a step closer to Clary, making her feel smaller. "Luke also said that you'd be annoying and distracting."

"He did not say that!" Clary yelled exasperated and stood as tall as she could against his towering figure.

The two of them watched the other, their eyes locked in frustration and something else that Clary didn't know was for sure. She knew she felt it bubbling inside her, but didn't know if Jace had the same feeling.

Clary gave up, suddenly exhausted as her shoulders slumped forward. "Look, Jace. I'll be careful, alright? We won't be gone for long. And this is for my mom. I need to go because if I don't, I'll beat myself up over it for just sitting back and doing nothing."

Jace let out a long sigh, his eyes showing his exhaustion as well. It had been a hard day of fighting and anger and grief. Clary was happy to have the chance to get away from it all and think things through. Because God knew that she had no idea what was going to happen now. She had lost all sight of what was going on around her and had only focused on herself. That needed to change.

Unexpectedly, Clary slid herself against Jace's body, her arms going about his waist as she took a deep breath and relaxed at the touch of his soft shirt against her cheek. After a somewhat awkward moment, he placed his arms around her and clutched her close, resting his chin on her smooth hair. They stood there for a long time, just holding each other and not saying anything. He kissed the top of her head before he pulled away far enough just to look at her face.

"So, is everything worked out?" Isabelle chimed in, peeking her head around the door to stare at their embrace. The two of them jumped apart as though caught doing something horrible and improper. Jace subtly glared at her while Clary looked at the floor, shamed. A satisfied smile turned Isabelle's lips as she stepped fully into the dim hall.

Luke joined a second later and cleared his throat clumsily, looking from Jace to Clary. "So, uh, what's the decision then?"

Clary straightened her non-existent backbone and gazed at Luke. "Well, that all depends on how fast you can pack."

He smiled.

_So that was much longer that anticipated. I'm sorry about my grammar and lack of detail. Blah, I disgrace myself for my awful writing. Does that make sense? Most likely no. But, uh, yes. This is my second final chapter of this series. My characters seem to be working their way to a happy ending. Though, I'm not sure that I'll allow that._


	10. Chapter 10

_My finale._

On her way to her room, Clary allowed her mind to wander far away, away from Jace and Gavin and all her stupid problems. Her eyes were focused on the floor, watching her feet step then pick up then step again. She was walking faster then she normally did and she didn't know whether to base it on excitement or fear of being followed. However, Clary decided on excitement of seeing her mother. She grinned a bit. The look on Luca's face when he was telling her the wonderful news popped into her thoughts, replacing the bad ones. But, sadly, that only lasted for a few seconds.

The way Jace had felt when she threw herself against him was magnificent. He had been so very warm and strong and firm, as reassuringly comforting as he had been earlier with Gavin. She loved it when he held her. Jace was able to make Clary forget the pain, the loneliness that ached in her chest every day and swap it with tenderness. The tiny grin that was playing along her lips widened.

Clary mentally shook her head and froze, her feet unmoving. Why was she allowing herself to feel this? She was going away for weeks, months to go find her mother. Her main focus should be on saving her, on making her family whole again with Luke. It shouldn't be on Jace and what they _couldn't_ pursue. Clary stumbled to lean her weight against the wall, taking deep breaths as the pain in her chest had returned, sharper than before.

How come that felt like the last time I'll see him, the last time I'll touch him? And what is the _deal_ with this pain? It's not like…

But it felt like it. Clary sighed loudly, irritated, and squeezed her eyes tightly shut. He felt closer to her heart than what she needed. In a way, it was certainly what she wanted. But it hurt too much especially with her leaving. It was just too much.

She felt sick as tears stung the back of her eyes and her throat felt tight making her breath come out in shallow gasps. "Stupid Jace," Clary whispered to herself.

She wanted to move her legs, to move from the open hallway and into the security of her own room, but she was stuck. There was no need for her to be so upset over something that was so trivial. But it wasn't to her. She had to deal with the loss of Gavin and the sudden replacement of Jace. Then there was her leaving with Luke to help her mom, to finally be reunited. It was almost _too_ much.

Clary wanted to make herself believe that it was all that that was bringing her pain, all of those situations which were mixing up her emotions. However, there was only one thing needed, one name that popped up into her thoughts that would bring her so much hurt. Jace. She felt selfish, for a reason that seemed obvious to her.

"Hey, Clary, shouldn't you be packing?" Isabelle's voice was soft behind her, but it made Clary jump just the same.

Surprised that her legs actually _were_ working, Clary turned around and attempted a pathetic smile, very happy that she hadn't let her tears escape her eyes. "Oh, uh, I'm just really tired."

"And decided to take a nap on the wall?" Isabelle crossed her arms, staring incredulously at Clary. "What's up? You were so excited to go when Luke told you. I thought you'd be hopping to your room and be done packing by now."

Clary refused to look at the floor in embarrassment and stood her ground. "Yeah, I just got sidetracked."

Not seeming to believe the bullshit that was coming out of Clary's mouth, Isabelle cocked an eyebrow skeptically. "What distracted you?"

"Nothing, I was just thinking," Clary responded too quickly. "Anyways, I'm going to pack."

Hoping that Isabelle would just drop it, Clary turned on her heel and basically jogged to her room. Although, sadly, this didn't stop Isabelle from yelling, "Were you thinking about Jace?!"

Clary slammed her door shut just as her cheeks and neck started to burn red. I really hope—for all that is living on God's green earth—that Jace did _not_ hear that, Clary thought.

She leaned against the door for a while in silence, listening for any indication that someone heard Isabelle's outburst. And Clary knew that Isabelle did that on purpose. Isabelle didn't seem like the kind of person to care about subtly, especially in Clary's case since she could get such an easy reaction out of her. Oh, Clary hated how easily it was for Isabelle.

After 10 minutes of utter quiet, Clary felt it was safe to move from the door and grab her suitcase to start packing. She had only placed her suitcase on her bed when there was a knock at her door. Without looking up, Clary froze completely, as still as she was when she was leaning against the door.

Crap, I should've stayed there longer!

Clary mentally crossed her fingers in hopes that the person would assume she wasn't in her room and just leave. But Clary had no such luck as there was a louder, more persistent knock at the door this time. She squeezed her fingers tight against her palms and slowly made her way to the door, not wanting to open it.

"Clary, geez, open up!"

With a loud sigh of relief, not realizing how hard her heart was beating, Clary moved quicker and swung the door open only to see Luke standing there.

"What took you so long?" He asked, a bit irked by her lack of reaction to his knocking.

She just shook her head in response to his question and leveled her eyes with his, forcing her breath to slow down. "What do you need?"

Luke stared at her a moment, the same way that Isabelle did. "You okay?"

How did everyone know that she was upset? Clearly, she needed to work on hiding her emotions better, even though she thought that she had been doing a pretty good job of that thus far. But there was no way that she could open up to Luke about Jace. If she couldn't talk to Isabelle about it—this thought made her quiet depressed—then how would Luke help?

"I guess I'm just nervous about the flight," Clary lied. "You know, up in the air. High up."

Without a word, he continued to stare at her.

Feeling under pressure and edgy, she made a motion with her hands of a plane plummeting to the ground and exploding. Clary even made the noises of an airplane blowing up to express her mental image better. She then folded her hands in front of her, cleared her throat awkwardly and looked at the ground.

"Yeah, sure," Luke muttered. "Anyways, I just, uh, came over here to tell you that we're not going to be able to catch the afternoon flight. I have to go downtown for a few hours and get some equipment."

Clary slowly met Luke's stare. "What for?"

"Oh, just in case we run into some minor problems while we're away."

Since we're very likely to meet _a lot_ of people who very much enjoy killing us, Clary completed Luke's unfinished sentence in her mind. She nodded briefly and waited for him to continue.

"So, uh, yeah," he nodded and shrugged. "I'll call you when I get back."

"All right," Clary said, attempting to grin at him, but failing pathetically. This was the first time in so long that Clary had felt self conscious around Luke and she knew he felt it too.

Luke raised a hand and waved it slightly to the side as a goodbye. Stupidly, Clary nodded her farewell and closed the door as soon as he left the doorway. Again, she leaned on it in exhaustion, her emotions making her feel weak and tired. Although, instead of concentrating on all of the crap, she decided to shake it off, clear her head and focus on what needed to be done.

Clary pushed herself off the door and worked her way around her room, slowly and calmly as though showing herself that she could be relaxed. She packed smart; not very many articles of clothing and light on the toiletries. She didn't need anything else really. Clary wasn't the kind of person who much cared for having the best fashion or even wearing the same outfit twice. This amount that she packed would last her for at 3 or 4 weeks, as long as she could wash her clothes. If she needed more, she could go to a thrift store and buy some cheap clothes.

Once her suitcase was officially zipped up, she placed it on the floor and threw herself onto the bed, bouncing once from the impact. She pressed her face into the pillow and sighed loudly, her arms hanging limply off the bed. This was definitely not one of her good days. She was so emotionally, physically and mentally exhausted that she felt like her head was going to pop. This is so not a state that I want to be at before I get on a plane, she thought as she turned her head to the side and curled up in a tight ball. She closed her eyes and let her mind drift into a quiet, relieving darkness.

* * *

When Clary blinked her eyes open, she exhaled happily and was able to smile genuinely. A nap seemed to be what she needed as her head was clear, her body didn't ache and neither did her heart. And she didn't let her thoughts go back to what she was thinking about before she fell asleep.

There was a very loud knock at her door then. "Clary, can I talk to you for a sec?"

Well that lasted a good, solid 10 seconds.

"Yeah, sure." Clary announced weakly while sitting up and rubbing at her eyes. She yawned big and long, stretching her arms above her head and squeezing her eye shut. She dropped her hands onto her folded legs and groggily opened her eyes to see Jace standing in front of her bed watching her.

Not expecting to see him standing there, Clary jumped then slowly blew out her breath.

"Were you sleeping?" Jace asked lazily and without much care.

"Just a nap," Clary mumbled then decided to get right to it. "So, what's up?"

Jace rocked back on his heels and shoved his hands into his pockets, signifying how uncomfortable he was. He definitely had trouble saying what needed to be said as he busied himself with scratching his head or looking behind him. He seemed to be set on doing anything besides looking straight at her.

Clary looked at her watch-less wrist and pretended to care what time it was, though she probably should as Luke might be back soon. "What is it, Jace?"

"Well, you know, if you have something to do…" Jace said and turned to leave.

Clary just crossed her arms, irritated by his sarcasm and raised an eyebrow. Jace put a hand on the doorknob, froze and then turned around with a cocky smile on his lips. Though, his grin quickly faded away when he saw the annoyed expression on her face. He cleared his throat awkwardly and faced his body towards her again, but he made sure to keep his eyes on hers.

"Are you excited to go shopping?" Jace said seriously with a sarcastic tone—somehow. "You know, I hear there are lots of good stores over there. Some Gucci would be _fabulous_ with your skin tone. And speaking of skin tone, you might get a really good tan."

"Jace," Clary barked firmly.

That shut up his mocking and turned his features serious. He took a step closer to the edge of her bed and braced both arms on the end bed frame. Clary hated to notice, especially when she was trying to stay irritated at him, but the muscles in his arms flexed when he leaned his weight on them. They were quite nice, she had to admit. She could imagine being wrapped in them, but wouldn't let herself think about that right now.

"Okay, fine," Jace mumbled, more to himself than to Clary. But he still didn't say anything. He didn't explain what was wrong or why he was in her room. And it made her more frustrated. However, she allowed him time because she knew how hard this was for him. She knew him well enough to know that he hated this kind of confrontation without the usual sarcasm.

"I don't want you to go," he muttered, staring intensely into her eyes.

"Jace, I know, but—"

"No, let me finish," Jace put up a hand, interrupting me. I sealed my lips as he put his hand back on the bed frame and listened. "I don't want you to go because I don't want you to leave. I want you stay here."

Clary's mouth opened in speechlessness. His eyes were so passionate and his voice was so quiet, she wasn't expecting at all. Jace sighed loudly and dropped his head so all she could see was his beautiful wavy hair hanging in his face.

"With me," he mumbled under his breath. Then he lifted his head slowly and took a deep, cleansing breath and spoke louder. "I want you stay with me."

"Jace…" Clary whispered as her eyes gazed into his. She pushed herself onto her knees and shuffled to the end of the bed, closer to him. He just watched her, his blank expression unchanging and his body completely still. When she reached him, she slid her hands onto his cheeks and her fingertips just brushing his hairline.

Their eyes were locked together, so many emotions sent between their stares and no words needed to be spoken. After long moments passed, Jace moved his arms and stood up tall as Clary got her desire and he wrapped his arms around her. He hugged her close to him, slowly as though she would break if he tugged her quickly. They rested their foreheads against each others and Jace sighed as his eyes fell closed.

"See, why can't it just stay like this?" Jace asked quieter than a whisper. Clary would _never_ expect Jace to say anything like that and it touched her heart that he'd say it to her.

Then, she felt this sudden jolt of realism and moral logic. She knew what she had to say and she knew that Jace wouldn't like it. Clary grinned stupidly. "I love you."

Jace became absolutely still and Clary was sure that he had passed out standing up. And since she knew that there was no way he could speak at the moment, she continued.

"I love you, but I have to go, Jace. I love you, I do and we can't be together."

Finally, he moved. Jace pulled away from her and gaped at her, confused and hurt. But he composed himself quickly, not liking his own vulnerability. He attempted at a carless grin and raised a shoulder. "I don't get it."

"I need to go with Luke," Clary said determinedly. "I'm going to be gone for a long time and that'll give you and me some time to think. Plus, I need some time to revamp. What happened with Gavin… well, it hurt. There has to be a time gap for me to get over him."

Jace swallowed hard, speechless.

"I'm sorry," she whispered as her smart 'words of wisdom' suddenly vanished and her quirky smile fell.

Clary's phone suddenly rang very loudly by her pillow, making her jump. Jace gradually let her go and she fell away from him onto her bed to pick up her phone.

"Hey," she said.

"Hi, are you ready to go?" Luke asked.

"Yeah, I am," she answered and looked up at Jace.

"Well, I'm in the kitchen just grabbing a quick bite. So you have five minutes to re-check if you have everything, alright?"

Clary nodded and said, "Okay, I'll be out in a minute."

She snapped her phone shut and put it back down beside her, her eyes glued to his. Jace walked over to the side of her bed and sat down. And that was it for a few minutes. There was no talking, no touching, nothing.

"I know you have to go," Jace said. "But do you _have_ to?"

Clary laughed and grabbed his hand. "Yes, Jace. I still have to go."

"Doesn't mean I have to like it," Jace said grinning at her and squeezing her hand. At that second, it felt like everything would work out and be okay. She felt normal and happy with him. But, just as before, his smile dropped as quickly as it appeared and the happy feeling she had was gone. "But I can't say it back to you."

Clary's eyebrows furrowed and her hold on his hand loosened a bit. "What do you mean?"

"You're leaving, Clary. That has definitely been established." Jace scoffed. "And me saying my feelings to you wouldn't help."

Tears stung the back of Clary's eyes as misunderstanding took over her and she pulled her hand completely away. "Oh, it's okay. I get it."

"No, no you don't," he said and snatched her hand back. "Clary, if I say it, it'll be too painful. For both of us. And who knows how long you'll be gone."

That didn't exactly help with her wanting to cry and all.

"Who knows," Jace muttered. "You might find another guy while you're gone. You might just forget about me and be happy."

Clary glared at him. "What the hell are you saying, Jace? Don't make me leave angry at you."

"I'm just being realistic."

"No, you're being stupid. What kind of a goodbye is this? Here I'm pouring my heart out and trying to be honest with you and you're throwing it back in my face."

"Don't get mad—"

"Well, too late! I am," Clary stood up so that she was towering over him and trying to get away from him before she punched him in the face. Though, that could help with the amount of frustration she had. "I can't believe this, Jace. Of course I'm not going to forget you. I just thought you'd understand that I'm going to help my mother and not going for selfish reasons like finding a _new guy_!"

She picked up her suitcase, jacket and phone then stood straight in front of him feeling very flustered. "This is definitely not the send-off I was expecting. But I guess this is what _you_ were expecting, weren't you?"

Jace didn't say anything. He just stared at her, hurt in his eyes, but his face expressionless. He shouldn't have said something to make it better between them, but he just wanted her to be happy. How this was leaving her happy, he didn't know.

"Do you have anything to say?" She asked with her arms tight by her side.

"I hope you have a good trip," Jace said, with total honesty.

Clary's fists clenched and a tear trailed down her cheek in hot anger. "Goodbye, Jace."

Then Clary, with bag in hand and pain tightening at her heart, left Jace alone.

Jace could hear her footsteps echo down the hall, farther and farther away from him. He then realized that that was the last time he'd see her for months. And there would hardly be a point in contacting her as he knew that she'd ignore his calls. But this was for the best. He had to remember that.

"I love you," he whispered and felt like an idiot. How hard was that? Why did he have to be so stubborn as to not make her truly happy and say it? Because, he had decided that it would've been too painful for the both of them. He certainly didn't want her to get distracted while she was supposed to be focused on helping her mother. She was the kind of person to put something out of her mind easily. Or at least pretend like it. And he knew that she would put Jace out of her mind.

—

_I purposefully made this longer than usual since this is a type of special occasion. And I know that this definitely was not the ending some of you were hoping for, but I am not one for a beautiful, _happily ever after_ ending. Blah, that is completely the opposite of my choice of style. So, my apologies for those who are not satisfied, but this is how I wanted it to end. And, yes, my readers were in mind while I was finishing this._

_But, yes, thank you very much, avid reader(s), for sticking with me along this crazy imagination story. I appreciate every comment, every thought and would've quit long ago if it weren't for all the sincere words. Thank you again, so very much and I'll miss these characters greatly._

"_Ends and beginnings -- there are no such things. There are only middles." –Robert Frost_


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